Few of us decide on our final destination rationally.   Whether we choose burial, cremation or any method of disposal, our choice involves our deepest fears, hopes and beliefs.   So what follows is not a set of reasons for cremation, but twelve facts about cremation, along with some people's preferences.   Make of them what you will.

Warning:   This page is 85-95% true, 5% poor taste, 35% politically incorrect and 50% disturbing.   May be upsetting to some viewers.   High Nylon content, likely to induce choking in feminists.

"In spite of the efforts of mold, maggots, erosion, ... burial is a slow route to dust.   If the grave is dry, and if erosion spares the landscape, burial can put a long stay of execution on the dust-to-death order order."   Hannah Holmes The Secret Life of Dust.

With cremation "if your paperwork is in order, you can be reduced to a wisp of smoke and a few pounds of bone dust within a few hours of your death"   Hannah Holmes The Secret Life of Dust.   When those your dust is scattered it only takes a little wind, rain and a few walkers, to distribute it far and wide.   Within a few days no trace remains of the you.

There is no rot.   No decay.   No purification of flesh.   Illness and disease in the body are destroyed in the flames.   Ashes are clean, pure and hygenic.   As one guy puts it:
"If my soul is eternal or not, someday it will no longer inhabit my body.   Then Nature will cremate it.   Of course, Nature's way is a slow burn process, called decay, and it would cause me to look rather gruesome over a long period of time . . .   I'm positive that there can be no use for becoming semi-preserved mummy . . . It is much more esthetically pleasing to burn rapidly, becoming hot gasses and a little ash."

But what about the smell of cremation and all the pollution?   In old cremation ovens flames burned the body directly.   As the heat from the flames rose out the smoke stacks it carried with it ash from the burning bodies as well as the odor of burning flesh.   In a modern cremator the chamber is heated until the body dries and ignites.   Drying out the body first removes the moisture associated with the smell of burning flesh... and what ash remains is contained inside the cremator rather than vented out the of stack.

When you look at a crematorium chimney the most you should see is a few minutes of a dark smoke and flakey ash that represents the coffin burning away, along with any clothing left on the deceased.   But when the body itself burns there's barely any smoke at all, hence just the wavey heat only venting out the stack.

In modern European Crematoria you may not even see a little smoke.   The gases coming out of the cremator may be filtered and the cremation process itself is carefully controlled to minimize pollution.   There are even controls on what the coffin is made of and what can be put in it with the body.   According to one UK crematorim "Due to the importance of reducing emissions from the cremators, we always ask that materials such as plastic, PVC, etc are not placed in the coffin and where possible the deceased is dressed in natural clothing." (Barrow Crematorium)

So as hot as most guys would find this woman, she couldn't be cremated dressed like that - too much PVC in her outfit.   In my humble opinion this babe is so hot she's going to spontaneously combust anyhow leaving a pile of ash and a pair of heels behind.

Over 95% of the body goes up the chimney in cremation. After combustion, the other 5% (bone fragments) is pulverized in a blender to create about 200 cubic centimeters of whitish-gray material.   You have been reduced a shoe boxes worth of ashes.   You don't need a grave and are very portable.

"Cremation.   It's more pragmatic: not only the cost, but also graveyards take up too much space that could be useful to people who are still alive or not even born yet." (Female, 32)

"Cremation.   Because (a) No place I can really call 'home', and no desire to be buried in an unfamiliar city/town/graveyard.   (b) Already have a parent buried in a graveyard more than 100 miles away, in a town I rarely visit.   It would have meant more to me to have his, or some of his, ashes nearby."   (Male, 48)

"Cremation.   Because I'm going to 'share' my Mother's niche - and that's the only way I'll fit."   (Female, 25)

"Cremation.   Do not like the idea of being buried and people coming to a piece of stone crying over me."   (Female, 43)

But not everyone prefers cremation...

"Burial.   Because I want to be buried, and everyone can come out see me all the time!!!"  (Female, 32)

Of course ashes can be sprinkled anywhere.

"Cremation.   I don't want anybody to feel like they have to put flowers on me for the rest of their lives as it does make you feel a little guilty on birthdays and special holidays (when you can't honor the loved one because of distance).   I want my ashes sprinkled in the water, as I do LOVE any/all water activities.   Plus I don't do BUGS!! Price also is a factor."   (Female, 48)

Even if you are scattered on land your ashes are small particles which will be broken down by water, plants and bacteria in a couple of weeks.

Stating the obvious I know, but it is important - some people just hate the thought of being burnt up.  

"No.   I am really actually ok with being cremated, but I think ultimately, if I had to make the choice while I was alive, I wouldn't want to know that I was being thrown in a fire." (Female, 28)

"No cremation.   Just don't like the idea of it." (Male, 34)

For others the objection to burning is more religious  
"No, I do not want to be cremated.   My reasons are weird sounding even to me but they are 'my' opinion and here they are: The thoughts of my body being consumed by fire is just totally out of the question because the fire represents hell to me as a Christian.   If I were cremated, my family could set my ashes on the table where they eat, or throw in the fireplace or in the trash (whether on purpose or accidently)." (Female, 42)

Perhaps the real problem is a fear of being burnt alive.   It doesn't happen, does it?   Mortuary Management reported that a 17-year-old teenager woke up and began to cry as his body was being rolled into a furnace for cremation.   This happened in Khon Kaen, Thailand.   In another case the Beijing Daily Messenger alleges that Zhang Kailin was put in a coffin and taken to a funeral home where it was to be refrigerated before being cremated.   But funeral home workers heard a groan on opening the coffin and were shocked to find him still alive.

Then there are the stories of mass cremation.   David Scone was called the Cremation King of the (American) West, whose workers bragged that they once crammed 38 cadavers into two small ovens.   He then doled out the mixed remains to unsuspecting relatives.   A worker told the NBC channel that bosses told the workers that parts of bodies which weren't completely cremated were to be left in the furnace and cremated with the next body.

In the 1975 conference report of the Cremation Society of Great Britain, we read that the last 20 minutes of the cremation are required to dispose only of a "very very small quantity of body material in the shape of chest and lung material" (p. 83).   Hence, it is not a problem to save considerable time in the cremation process, by inserting more corpses when those already in the chamber have been mostly consumed.

Of course such mass cremations are incredibly rare.   But while cremation is happens out of sight, the myth will continue.   Anderson-McQueen Funeral Homes in St. Petersburg USA may have the solution, mourners can see through a glass pane into another room and watch the casket roll into the furnace.   If they choose, they can push a button to start the casket rolling.   Once the casket is inside the furnace, a metal door closes and the flames ignite.   The metal door prevents mourners from watching the casket burn.

Once your body has been disposed of, your friends can get on with remembering what you were like without thinking of a corpse in cold earth.   This is captured nicely by a 52 year old guy:
"Yes, cremation.   I'm not in there any more!   Hello..... it's a spiritual thing....OK?   Cremation is a sensible and cost efficient solution to the problem of what to do with my old moldering cadaver.   For those misguided souls who wish to mourn my death instead of celebrating my life...they can still do so to their hearts content.   But they're going to have to do it at their own instigation.   I want my family and friends to prop me in a corner, tap two kegs of beer, and have a grand old time remembering all the fun we had while I was still mortal."

Or as another guy said:
"I would rather have a celebration at the time of my death ( with the tidy, portable, clean ) remains in an urn.   People can remember me without looking at my shriveled, cold, pasty carcass."

If you are buried all they can do is put you into the ground at a cemetery.   But if you are cremated lots and lots of creative things can be done with your ashes.   You can scattered anywhere, put in a piece of jewelry, made into a piece of artificial reef, fired from a canon or be put in a fireworks display.   My ashes are going to have lots of adventures.   But in the end, I want my urn taken a public toilet, my ashes poured down the first unused toilet on top of what is already there, and then flushed away. An ogrish end.

In Britain the cost of being cremated is half that of being buried.   In the US cremation is one fifth of the cost of burial. 
"Yes, cremation. Inexpensive (and I'm cheap)"  (Male, 65)   Nuff said.

Did you think those who are cremated as sad loosers.   People who can't afford a proper burial and with no friends to care.   Research actually shows that people who choose cremation tend to be:

• Highly educated individuals.
• Individuals with high incomes.
• Those in professional occupations.
• Upwardly and geographically mobile.

In San Francisco Gay communities choose cremation almost 100 percent of the time.

In terms of religion, those who choose cremation tend to be antireligious , members of non-traditional religions, or Protestants.

The rich and the famous are now being cremated.   Freddie Mercury and Paula Yates are two of my personal heros who have been reduced to wisps of smoke and a few pounds of ash.

Queen star Freddie Mercury died of pneumonia brought on by AIDS. He was cremated at the West London Crematorium.   Some say that his former girlfriend has the urn, others think he was taken back to Zanzibar, and yet others think he was scattered over a south London cemetery.   There is one unconfirmed report that his ashes were scattered over Lake Geneva, in Montreux.

Paula Yates became famous for her fashion sense as well as her lovers.   She started out modeling and later became the host of a popular British television show called "The Tube."   She died of an accidental overdose.   Paula was incinerted in a white coffin at Kent County Crematorium.   Supposedly Paula was wearing a two piece mink bikini that she loved.   What a thought Paula sizzling in her mink bikini.

All ashes look almost the same.   How do you know your ashes will reach friends and family? In UK crematoria a name card is removed from the casket and put in a bracket near the mouth of the cremation furnace.   This card is then kept with the cremated remains as they are processed.   In Sweden, a fireproof number plate is placed on the front part of the coffin.

In the US metal identity tags or bracelets are used.   A bracelet attaches to ankle or wrist of the body with a self-lock that only allows tightening, and can withstand temperatures up to 2200°F, which allows it to stay with the cremated remains for easy identification.

But mistakes happen.   The family of Epimenio Lopez said Greenwood Memory Lawn Mortuary has left them uncertain about whether they possess his ashes.   Lopez was cremated on April 19 2002 and buried the next day in the grave of his late son, Armando.   Three days later, a crematorium representative called another son, Richard, and told him relatives were given the wrong ashes.   Of course such errors are rare.   Terry Hemeyer, managing director of Service Corporation International, said the company has cremated 10,614 people since the beginning of 2000 and has had only one complaint.

Cremation destroys all evidence of wrong-doing.   Touch of necrophilia while the body is being prepared - all traces consumed by the furnace.   Lest you think I'm making this one up, a now defunct "necro" site told its readers:   "Oh, by the way, for all you post mortem sexual - wannabe's... no one will ever know what you did or how you did it... your DNA burns up with the body.   A crematory is the best place to not get caught.   But you didn't hear that from me."

Of more concern to most of us is medical malpractice.   Much better to burn your mistakes (or worse) than bury them.   Mass murderer Harold Shipman is reported to have said of one of his victims: "The only thing I did wrong was not have her cremated.   If I had her cremated I wouldn't be having all this trouble."

The British system know as "Ash-Cash" where a second doctor confirms the cause of death and a third checks the documents before cremation doesn't seam to work.   It took a long time for what Shipman was doing to become apparent.

If someone wants you dead, how much more will they enjoy your cremation?   Not only will you be dead, you'll also be gone.   Cremation seams so much more final than burial.   You will be nothing more than a wisp of smoke and a few pounds of dust.   The dust can be scattered and blown (or washed) away.   Just think of the people who might get some satisfaction out of your incineration:

• Your ex-wife and her lover.   Her black nyloned toes curl with pleasure inside her boots as the curtains close around your casket.   Her lover smiles, no chance of loosing her to a pot of ashes.
• The girl you bullied at work.   If you'd been a bit nicer to her, you wouldn't be making her day by coming out of the chimney.

Me? I know Paul Stanley is looking forward to my incineration.   Not long now Paul, enjoy.

Your cremation may even give a certain satisfaction to the guy who cremates you.   Here's what one US crematory worker said about performing his first cremation:
"It was great—just the smell when you walked in . . . It was a really different experience.   I cremated my first body in May 1994 and turned 18 the next month. It’s not too often when you get to do something like this. . . But when you do something with bodies, it’s not even like work.   It’s fun!"

Maybe no at all one will take pleasure in your cremation, but aren't you glad that Myra Hindley, who helped Ian Brady murderer for his own sexual gratification, was cremated and her ashes scattered on the moors?   Destruction of evil by fire.   Brady and Hindley murdered five young people including 16-year-old Pauline Reade and 12-year-old John Kilbride.   Or how about Fred West, who killed 12 girls and young women including his 16 year old daughter, Heather, and his wife's stepdaughter, Charmaine?   Fred West was cremated in a secret service at Canley Crematorium, Coventry.   More evil destroyed.   And of course Dr Shipman was cremated.

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• Hannah Holmes book "The Secret Life of Dust" is published by Wiley ISBN 0-471-37743-0
• The reasons for cremation quoted come from a survey done on crematiom.con
• Barrow Crematorium
• Mortunary Management
• The reference to Zhang Kailin can be found at siqi's house of vanity - go commie media (sic)
• Ken Englade discusses David Scone in A FAMILY BUSINESS (St.Martin's Paperbacks, 1991. ISBN 0312928203).
• Evidence of mass cremations is given by Funerals and Ripoffs. The possibility of starting one cremation before the last has finished has been discused in defending the historicity of the Holocaust for example Holocaust History.   McQueen Funeral Homes' idea of letting people watch the committal to the furnace is reported in the Tampa Bay Business Journal

• Some details of how a cadaver is identified during cremation can be found at Hepburn Superior (tags), Death is Part of Life and "The Big Issue" No 95.   The story of Epimenio Lopez was found is from the Arizona Republic (Nov. 20, 2002).   This old edition can be found at azcentral, but you will now charged at access it.
• The information on who chooses cremation is from a page by ChrisTina Leimer, originally published on the "Tombstone Travellers Guide".   This site appears to be no longer available, but I can e-mail anyone interested the original page. Find a death has details of Paula Yates, Freddie Mercury and other celeb deaths and funerals.

• Some of the creative things you can with with ashes are found in a Metro Active feature.
• The quote from the crematory worker can be found in OC Weekly Vol. 6 No. 52 "It's a living".
• The web is a rich source of information on serial killers here are some of pages I have used: Myra Hindley, Fred West, Harold Shipman.